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Tuesday, October 8, 2024

I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home by Lorrie Moore


 
Describing the premise of I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home will not do justice to the stunning craft Lorrie Moore has committed to page. The opening plot line that shows up intermittently throughout the book is set in the past, with a woman writing letters to a deceased sister about the boarders in her home. In the modern day, Finn visits his dying brother in hospice before receiving news that his ex has taken her life. The majority of the novel then focuses on Finn abandoning his brother’s bedside to go to his ex’s grave, only to reunite with her there and take her on a roadtrip to where she actually wants to be buried while she decays and dies for real (for the third time?). It’s kind of like Weekend At Bernie’s, that is, if Weekend At Bernie’s were the most beautiful, depressing, tender, and heart wrenching book in recent memory.

The book is finely wrought and the premise isn’t quite like anything I’ve read before, so I absolutely loved it. Full disclosure, though, when I looked it up online afterward I found it had received a middling review from the public at large, with many people rating it at 1 or 2 stars. I was stunned and perplexed that people could view the book so poorly, because to me it was irresistibly moving.


Moore is a gifted writer from a stylistic standpoint. She offers passing descriptions that are wonderfully evocative: “His look is like last year’s bird’s nest” (7), “Finn cleared his throat as if it were full of notepads and paper scraps” (28). The turns of phrase in the text are poetic and there’s a natural rhythm to the writing that helps to punctuate key ideas and create an emotional impact. Finn’s relationship with Lily (who has left him for another man) is described as waxing and waning. Moore writes that he “had been the waning beau for so long he had never really absorbed being the ex. He was always just waning. But he could wax! He really could. He had. Every once in a while the phone would ring and there was Lily’s voice and he and she would wax again. He would take whatever she would offer” (70). There’s a nearly farcical tone here, but the end of the paragraph emphasizes Moore’s poetic bent: “He was not a cold mad moon. He was a circle of light made from leftover sun” (70). 


I love the characters in the book, both for how their personalities show in conversation and how they are characterized by the narrator. Early on, Lily is introduced as a somewhat chaotic figure stricken with mental illness, “The noonday demon, the black downward dog, the devil that had long ago grabbed [her] and rammed her head into the wall” (30). Yet, at the same time, Finn saw her as “beautiful and funny. Sort of” (30). Finn recognizes that she wore him out and then left him for someone new that she could wear out, but he “still thought of her every pathetic day. The prick and tingle of her was a phantom limb: his mind was independent and self-starting and did not give up in its attempt to enliven the phantom” (30). The passages about their relationship drip with sincerity and authenticity. There’s even a bit of humour here in describing her as a phantom limb where “even if the limb remained phantom, he knew it was on permanent standby, waiting for a signal” (30). 


Finn and Lily have a number of unresolved conversations, and between them there are a number of things that go unsaid, often spoken of only allusively or through symbols. If there is a flaw in the book, it is that, admittedly, sometimes the symbolism threatens to break through as too on-the-nose, but Moore generally demonstrates the necessary restraint to maintain the impact of the moment.


In fact, Moore demonstrates a great deal of control and I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home is a book that knows what it is doing. Early on, Finn reflects on the role of humour in depressing situations. He wants to bring levity to the conversation with his dying brother, but his humour has to suit the situation—a kind of humour that elicits no laughter. That then serves as the template for the rest of the novel, which offers plenty of funny moments: not funny ha ha; more like funny womp womp (sad trombone). I find that the tragic nature of the book hits harder precisely because it is replete with humour; the jokes punctuation the true sadness of the situations. For example, one of the characters writes in a letter to her dead sister, “P.S. I used your ashes this past January outside on the icy stairs for the safe walking of the boarders. I felt strongly you wouldn’t mind being put to good use” (179). There’s an irreverence towards life and death that helps the text sting and shine.


The dialogue of the book really helps to emphasize that balance of light and dark. It’s witty, snappy, sad, and deeply authentic. Moore’s sense of rhythm in conversations would make I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home a perfect candidate for a stage play or an indie film. There are moments charged with meaning that linger and all the peaks-and-valleys one could hope for from a scene-construction point of view. As Finn and his corpse non-bride drive to her future gravesite, they banter back and forth, bicker with the tenderness of the deeply close, and share some pretty special moments of sarcasm, but Lily in particular drops a number of bombs that turn the knife and turn it hard. Finn’s love for her, despite his frustrations, is clear. Moore provides the following dialogue and description of Finn:

“Lily, you are ruthless,” he found himself murmuring with affection and gratitude---he was without power, so he wasn’t sure, but for a moment it felt like unquellable happiness. (97)

Immediately after that, Lily offers such a sorrowful apology for taking her own life and the depression that plagued her while they were together:

“I am so sorry,” she said, “that in our years together I was unable to wake every day with a song in my heart.” She smelled like warm food cooling. Sorrow had entered her face and her mouth split into the downturned clownish crescent it used to take her professional makeup to produce. “At least not the right song.” (97)

Oh, did I forget to mention that Lily was a professional clown that tried to cheer kids up and that she was buried in her oversized clown shoes? And that as they travel she can’t be warmed up too much lest she decompose? Anyway, the idea of not waking up with the right song in your heart is such a small, poignant reference to her feelings. For some additional backstory, Lily takes her life while she’s in a facility that cares for her. Finn is told that she drowned herself in the shower. After dying, Lily professes not to remember what happened in the lead-up to her death. On the road trip, she suggests that she broke her ankle by slipping in the shower:

          “Broke your ankle? That’s what you think you did?”
         “It was a little slippery.”
         “Mmmmmm. Perhaps we should get it looked at.”
         “Are you joking?” she asked. “Sometimes I can tell but not always.” (109)

The idea of her killing herself is sad enough, but if you factor in that it was perhaps an accident, that she slipped and fell and drowned, I feel like that makes it even sadder, especially since the assumption is that she did it intentionally. I also appreciate the way this exchange ends, uncertain whether Finn is joking or not, because “sometimes [she] can tell but not always.” I think that that line characterizes Moore’s project so aptly. It’s unclear how much of their conversations are jokes and how much of them are serious—same with the book, it’s unclear how much of it is meant to be serious, funny, seriously funny, or funnily serious. That ambiguity is a critical part of my enjoyment of this text—but more on that shortly.

First, I need to address the power of the final interaction between Finn and Lily. For most of the book, Finn is on the road trip with Lily so that she can be buried at the people farm. There’s a trope in literature that I have grown to love deeply, with the most notable example in Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro, and it is the trope of “being told and not told.” There’s a sense of inevitability that we just try to look past. In Ishiguro’s work, you know that the fate reserved for the children is not a positive one and that their hopes to transcend it are futile. In I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home, there are several inevitabilities that we try to push aside. First, that Finn’s brother will die while he is away on this road trip—he has a premonition and senses it when it happens. Second, that his road trip with Lily ends with her being dead and gone forever. We try to avoid these realities and revel in naivety, but they are inevitable. So, the final interaction between Finn and Lily hits hard:

“Listen to me,” she said with some tenderness. “Everything is going to be OK.” In her personal revolutions she was like an unrotating planet with a permanent dark side and a permanent light side where the sun never set. She had always been like that. Was there a line in between, a sweet Goldilocks zone? No, in this tale Goldilocks was devoured by the bears and the zone was just a permanently positional stripe of rising hope, which was also a stripe of permanently positional sinking hope. (171)

I’ll pause briefly here to let that hope simultaneously rise and sink. The passage continues:

“You’re just going to leave me here?” he asked.
“You want gas money?” She raised her eyebrows and let go, stepped back, an
opalescent figure and face. Above the clown nose her eyes blackened and emptied, losing their interested gaze in exchange for bleak determination.
“I’m jealous of the damn dirt,” he said. “I realize it’s over---but I can’t let go,” he added.
“Isn’t that, like, a song?”
“Oh, I’m sure it is very much like a song.”
“One does not die all at once. There are stages.”
“I’ve gathered. And one does not grieve all at once. But there really aren’t stages, as advertised. There’s just a kind of sad soup of the day
“I’m grateful for your driving. And for so many other things.”
“Words.” He tried to make his face contemptuously still, but he suspected affection showed regardless.
“Well. I’ve assembled them and give them to you.”
“I’m afraid of your desertion. Your self-desertion. Your desertion of everything.”
Punishing scorn was hard for him to summon or depict. He understood now that she had had to return to him, to make her reappearance to him, because he was the only person who would have actually believed it was her. (171)

The fact that Finn admits to her that he can’t let go is such a tragic moment (again, interspersed with her accusation that he wants gas money). The unspoken gratitude between them is undercut with scorn, the scorn undercut with tenderness. The scene that follows is just as beautiful, describing them turning away from each other for the last time—but I’ll leave that for you to experience. I appreciate, though, how Moore navigates the complexity of Finn’s feelings (as well as Lily’s). If you go back to the passage that introduced their relationship, Finn is embittered at her leaving him for another man, “yet the deprivation of her intimacy had made a small dent in his heart, and in his breathing, and in the hard candy of his eyes. The thought of her was everywhere but nowhere---an omniscient narrator” (30).

        What I’d like to return to, though, is the final line of the passage above. Finn comes to the understanding that she had to reappear to him because he is the only one that would believe her. There’s a special bond there, but it’s also evocative of the core ambiguity of the text: how much of this happens? If we take it literally, Finn discovers a zombie that he drives to its grave, but stops along the way at restaurants and hotels with Lily’s corpse propped on his shoulder—and everyone just goes along with it. At a more figurative level, this is a journey he is on himself, with an imagined Lily who he knows intimately and knows the rhythm of her dialogue well enough to converse with a ghost he has imagined. Or, maybe Lily really is back from the dead and is cognizant enough to fake being alive for just a few more days. The fact that this is unresolved adds to the charm of the story, and enhances the early invocation of Finn’s mistrust of his own sanity (he tests himself by submitting editorial comments to the New York Times website and seeing if they get published).

A final thought before moving on from Lily. There’s a tenderness that comes through, even in the imagery Moore applies, to her relationship with Finn. At one moment, “The snow was collecting in her hair and eyelashes, sticking like confetti. Ah, here was their wedding! Then, as if his thought had been heard, a sudden wind came sweeping in, with its oceanic sound and its quick picking up of things and taking them elsewhere in a purposeful hurry that was also a bit random” (90). I find the description here poetic and imagistic, with the snow on her eyelashes leaping to the confetti at a wedding, and then all of it being swept away. It’s also depressing, because Lily then reaches for his hand and he feels the cold of hers, “which had always been cold and bony and he had always liked that, though he had never warmed a ring and slid it on her. Why not? She had never asked. And so he had never had to scrounge around for a reply” (90). It’s such a human moment and the torture these characters endure in their regrets is, again, profoundly moving. Then, Moore switches track and has Finn thinking about Lily donating her body to medical science, how “her hands with their now oyster-gray nails would already have been chopped off” (90). He thinks about how “Perhaps he would have been given a pair of her gloves, as a memento, and he would have worn them around, his hands inside of them, soft as if inside of her. And he would have gone through life like that for many very sad years” (90). That idea of holding onto her gloves—wearing her—for years after she is gone shows the depth of the tenderness between them.

What remains somewhat complex is Finn’s response to his brother’s death. Max is in the hospital and Finn leaves him in order to pursue Lily, showing her devotion to her. Like with Lily, Finn’s dialogues with Max are masterful navigations of character. The depth of their bond and their unresolved tensions are fantastically wrought. It’s devastating in its own way to know that when Finn leaves Max’s side, he is abandoning him to die alone—and when he does, people keep telling Finn it was like he was looking for someone. Finn even knows the moment of Max’s death; it is the same moment that Lily leaves, that the World Series ends and that Max’s reason for hanging on has come to a close. The conjunction of all of these ideas simultaneously presents a situation replete with hidden significance and deep emotion.

I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home is a tight reading experience, clocking in at under two hundred pages. I am amazed when books can create such a huge impact in such a small space. Truth be told, I think it could even have been shorter and maintained most of its power. The epistolary sections aren’t, in my mind, essential to the story. The only area of overlap is that Finn finds these letters in a hotel he stays at and they are a historical footnote of a woman murdering a boarder. There are some similarities in the stories that resonate with each other, but ultimately that short story could have been excluded and the heart of the story would still be just as lively.

That said, Moore’s project is extremely unique, and I really appreciate that about it. As Finn is on the road trip, the narrator notes that “They seemed generally to be passing the same sites over and over though nothing was exactly the same just mostly” (111). I love that phrase: “nothing was exactly the same just mostly.” The fact that the phrase is unpunctuated also gives it a special kind of power. I think Moore is capturing something vital and irreproducible, here, which is paralleled in the imagery of the road: “Darkened fields with unreadable signs streaked by them on either side. The days, separate and named, seemed to be no longer arriving. He and Lily were between and among the hours and days rather than in them. The road ran on with its rough sections and moods and daft coordinates” (111). The central characters are adrift, and the reader knows the general direction but not necessarily the specifics of the road signs.

The novel is a truly stunning project that is as depressing as it is beautiful. The reflections on life, death, loss, and grief are nuanced and accurate. When reflecting about the way life is, Moore writes: “Regrettable things kept accruing in life until it was done and you got to say, Well that’s over. Or didn’t get to say, That’s over. But someone was there to say it for you if need be” (46). There’s a bluntness to the writing that simultaneously elevates and diminishes the reverence people often hold toward death. Finn then reflects on the idea of memory: “On the other hand, he knew, memories were often tampered with before they were put back on their shelves. Stories, told enough times, replaced the memories which, once uttered, dissipated and remodeled themselves. It happened at a cellular level: everyone was narratively rewritten” (46). I find the reflection on how we manage our life stories a nice touch, especially since Finn is likely constructing Lily’s story for her throughout the novel as his own way to process his grief.

As depressing as the book is, though, I found it really enriching. It’s so deeply human, so moving, so unique, that it’s hard not to see it as a masterpiece. Moore’s attention to the particulars of relationships and interior worlds, the way she addresses mental illness, and the ear for dialogue all contribute to the best man-and-zombie-ex-go-on-roadtrip book I’ve ever read. In one part of the book, the narrator discusses the idea of sadness and joy and notes that Finn “felt a kind of small joy he had never felt before---an amalgam of old joy and new. Although that was the thing with joy: it was constantly presenting itself as an unprecedented feeling. Every time, you had never felt like this before” (93-94). In context, it refers to the notion that joy is so rare it always feels fresh, but I think it’s also true for the nuances of joy. There is a kind of joy that comes along with depressing stories, a comfort in the light touch of humour in a dark situation. Reading I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home is a particular kind of pleasure that is hard to replicate.

In reading it, I hope you find joy, too.

Monday, October 7, 2024

Flights by Olga Tokarczuk

        Funnily enough, my experience of reading Flights by Olga Tokarczuk is a meandering tale of fits, starts, and coincidences. Flights fell into my lap, in the first place, by coincidence. One of my grade 12 English students opted to read Tokarczuk’s novel-esque book, noting that she had won the Nobel Prize for literature. At the time, I hadn’t heard of her, but was pleased to see a student taking on something that was, presumably, intellectually rigorous and challenging. A few weeks later, the author’s name had slipped from my mind but when I was in the bookstore Type in Toronto, a bright yellow spine caught my attention and when I picked it up, I found it was the book my student had talked about weeks earlier. I decided to buy it then and there due to my serendipitous encounter.

Flash forward a couple of weeks and I’m reading Flights. I devour the first hundred pages, finding the prose style poetic and riveting in all the ways I would hope of a Nobel winner. But then, for whatever reason, I stop. Then a month or two goes by, I get back into it and read the rest. I take pages and pages of notes that I can use to refer back to for this review—so many notes that, indeed, this review is even a few more months after I finished reading the book.


But all this seems oddly appropriate for a book about travel, about living in fits and starts and escaping to new terrain. The novel is rhizomatic in that way, with resonances popping up in unexpected places. And, as if the Nobel Prize committee has a type, and history a way of remedying itself, it’s easy to draw comparisons between would-be Nobel winner W. G. Sebald, had it not been for his tragic death, and Tokarczuk—Sebald’s successor. The comparison is, I think, warranted, given that both novelists trace the echoes between histories and phenomena, heavily rooted in the notion of place as integral to experience.


For the uninitiated, W. G. Sebald’s novels often centre on unlikely parallels. There’s a subtlety to his narratives that intimates connections, guiding readers to their own discoveries with an understated style interspersed with seemingly unrelated photos. Contemplation builds the connections. Tokarczuk’s Flights takes a similar approach, including photos of maps, but the fragmentary nature of her novel is somewhat more unified, in my mind, than Sebald, who operates more sequentially.


The more time you spend with the book, the more you see how well-wrought and unified it is. The primacy of motion is explored through various avenues, but even in the first few pages Tokarczuk presents a sort of manifesto of motion:


Standing there on the embankment, staring into the current, I realized that — in spite of all the risks involved — a thing in motion will always be better than a thing at rest; that change will always be a nobler thing than permanence; that that which is static will degenerate and decay, turn to ash, while that which is in motion is able to last for all eternity. From then on, the river was like a needle inserted into my formerly stage and stable surroundings, the landscape composed of the park, the greenhouses with their vegetables that grew in sad little rows, and the sidewalk with its concrete slabs where we would go to play hopscotch. This needle went all the way through, marking a vertical third dimension; so pierced, the landscape of my childhood world turned out to be nothing more than a toy made of rubber from which all the air was escaping, with a hiss. (4)


What a tour-de-force on page four! The phrase “a thing in motion will always be better than a thing at rest; that change will always be a nobler thing than permanence” is, essentially, the thesis for Tokarczuk’s project. While drawing on an aphoristic style, Flights is nonetheless replete with elevating imagery and metaphor. The image of a river being “like a needle inserted into [her] formerly stage and stable surroundings” is striking in its penetrative quality. It reminds me, almost, of Margaret Atwood’s poem “you fit into me / like a hook into an eye // a fish hook / an open eye.” Here, though, the idea of a needle also takes on the resonance of an inoculation. The needle stabs, but simultaneously protects. The quaint imagery of childhood with “vegetables that grew in sad little rows” and children playing hopscotch is a idyllic notion and the needle “went all the way through.” It’s aggressive, piercing, and the turn at the end of the passage of childhood being a “toy made of rubber from which all the air was escape, with a hiss” is such a powerful rendition of that sentiment that it’s hard to ignore. The fact that the final metaphor draws on an even earlier stage of life to dismantle childhood (I can’t help but imagine a rubber duckie in a baby’s bath) is such a great turn of temporal play. The fact that this needle “went all the way through, marking a vertical third dimension,” also hints at Tokarczuk’s geometry of time, which I’ll return to, as the book does, much later.


Throughout Flights, Tokarczuk’s various sub-topics often orbit around the idea of stasis and, well, flight. The motifs that crop up throughout the text often address bodies in motion in relief against bodies rendered motionless. For instance, substantial parts of the book deal with the development of embalming practices, the ultimate stasis: dead and not decomposing. It’s that fixity the book seems to grapple with, whether through travelogues or historical documents.


Tokarczuk does not relegate these documents to a static past, however. In fact, she challenges the idea that these serve as representative of reality. In a nearly Baudrillardian move, Flights notes that “we were taught that the world could be described, and even explained, by means of simple answers to intelligent questions. That in its essence the world was inert and dead, governed by fairly simple laws that needed to be made public—if possible with the aid of diagrams” (11). The notion of clear and simple documentation is presented not as a revelation, but an illusion, a sham. The passage continues that “We were required to do experiments. To formulate hypotheses. To verify. We were inducted into the mysteries of statistics, taught to believe that equipped with such a tool we would be able to perfectly describe all the workings of the world—that ninety percent is more significant than five” (11). In one paragraph, Tokarczuk levels critiques against so many of our meta-narratives that we use to explain things: physics, statistics, mathematics, and all those discourses that are used to render the world certain create a deadening effect, rendering the world “inert.”


Hence, the novel is framed around the notion of travel. The central character is on planes, travelling to various countries for various purposes. The conversations and stories about others are also, generally, people in motion (or, in the latter half of the book, people being rendered fixed, willingly or not). A central conceit of the book is around the idea of “travel psychology.” Presented somewhat ironically, but not without merit, is a young woman in an airport touting the new wave of psychology. When she is introduced, she is presented as “a young woman, nervously adjusting her colorful scarf while her companion, a man in a tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows, prepared the screen that was hanging on the wall’ (74). The duo is presented in a satirical light, one full of hesitation and the other a kind of old-world bumbling professor. I can’t help but imagine the two as grifters selling timeshares (which would also be appropriate for this novel). But, they have a point. Traditional psychology aims to fix people in place, suggesting that their psyche is reasonably fixed (even the depths of the unconscious have a single origin point, presumably—we don’t have unconsciouses in common parlance). By contrast, the two present: “Travel psychology [which] studies people in transit, persons in motion, and thus situates itself in opposition to traditional psychology, which has always investigated the human being in a fixed context, in stability and stillness—for example, through the prism of his or her biological constitution, family relationships, social situations, and so forth. In travel psychology, these factors are of secondary, not primary importance” (74). It’s kind of a radical notion, actually, and whether or not it is satirical is secondary to the possibilities it opens up: we are different people at different times, and the motion is what counts.


In turn, “travel psychology” offers an alternative episteme for conceptualizing identity and conceptualizing the world. They note, “constellation, not sequencing, carries truth” (77), explaining Tokarczuk’s valuing of resonance, rather than linear stories. She continues, “travel psychology envisions man in equivalently weighted situations, without trying to lend his life any—even approximate—continuity. Life is made up of situations. There is, of course, a certain inclination toward the repetition of behaviours. This repetition does not, however, mean that we should succumb in our imaginations to the appearance of any sort of consistent whole” (77). The passage is once again like the book itself. There are a number of “situations” presented, some with and some without resolution. Moreover, there is the “repetition of behaviours.” Various characters, especially in the first half of the book, are looking to escape their situations. As such, the book has “the appearance” of a consistent whole, even when it is not truly there; each situation is unique in its own way.


As such, meaning is never fixed, but ever-present. Again, referring to the travel psychologists, synchronicity is “evidence of the world making sense” (85). She specifies it is “evidence that throughout this beautiful chaos threads of meaning spread in every direction, networks of strange logic, all bearing, if one were to believe in God, the contorted imprints of His fingers” (85). The idea “threads of meaning” in “networks of strange logic” nonetheless being connected to one central force (in this case God), creates a tension of significance, allowing each moment to be both meaningful and not, each moment being a new discovery. Towards the end of the novel, Tokarczuk comments on “A mind that seemed to be aware of everything, even things it didn’t really understand, but that moved fast—a quick, intelligent electric impulse without limits, linking everything with everything, convinced that all of it together must mean something, even if we couldn’t yet know that” (380). It’s sort of a poststructuralist move, in a sense, to see everything in the world as connected. Yet, she notes the central problem: if everything is connected to everything, there is no end-point. There can be no fixity, and thus the very notion of meaning is in trouble.


The narrator of the story seems to embody this tension. She redirects her attention to that which is commonly not the focus, but is unclear to what end: “Instead of paying attention to the faces of people passing by, I watched their feet, and all these busy types were reduced to hurrying steps—toward what? And it was clear to me that our mission was to graze the dust in search of a mystery stripped of anything serious” (23). In attempting to find another angle for examining the threads that connect us, she looks instead towards feet—again, focusing on motion. Yet, there’s a skepticism that there is an actual destination. There’s a kind of purposelessness to the motion and even when she wants to “graze the dust in search of a mystery,” it is “stripped of anything serious.” The great unifying force is not a capitalized Significance. Another narrator has a similar issue, though in reverse. Rather than thinking of destinations as end-points, he reflects on destinations as past experience: “Lost in thought, he gazed out the window at the landscape that seemed to hurry off somewhere. Didn’t ever think: What does ‘We were there’ really even mean? Where did those two weeks in France go? Those weeks that today can squeeze into just a couple of memories” (22). This compression of time is here inversed; distance has been travelled, locations have been reached, but their lasting impact is ambiguous. Again, she speculates what he might be thinking when she notes what the remaining memories actually are: “the sudden onset of hunger by the city’s medieval walls and the twinkling of evening at a café where the roof was covered in grapevines. What happened to Norway? All that’s left is the chill of the water in the lake that endless day, and then the delight of the beer bought just before the shop shut, or the arresting first glimpse of the fjord” (22). There is a mix, it seems, of the glorious and the banal. We often think about the first glimpse of the fjord as a stunning moment, but the chill of the water, or buying a beer, a minor detail. The interplay between the small and the large is critical to the text as a whole.


The coincidences in my own reading continue—or perhaps Tokarczuk simply trains the reader to see parallels. For instance, I finished Flights on the back of Jenny Erpenbeck’s Kairos, and towards the end of Tokarczuk’s novel, there is an extended meditation on the word. A character reads a definition of the word, “written in Polish, in the Latin alphabet”—which in itself is an odd unfixed doubling, two languages at once—and there are three definitions (347), each of which seems to have its own resonance for Erpenbeck’s novel. The definition for measure is that kairos is “Due measure, appropriateness, moderation; difference; meaning” while on place it is “a vital, sensitive place in the body” (347). Both of these resonate for Erpenbeck’s Kairos, where the central characters’ calculated behaviour fits with measure, and the broken hearts and prodding of wounds is critical to the narrative.


While the third definition, on time, is useful for Erpenbeck’s project as well, it serves as the most salient definition for Tokarczuk’s purposes:


Critical moment, right time, appropriateness, opportunity, nick of time, the propitious time is fleeting; those who turned up unexpectedly; miss the moment; when the right time comes, help in the event of a storm, on time, when the opportunity arises, prematurely, critical moments, periodic states, the chronological sequence of facts, situation, state of things, placement, ultimate danger, benefit, use, to what aim?, what will help you?, where would be convenient? (347).


The novel’s vignettes all hover around the idea of time, whether it’s a disappearance where time is critical, or a static time where no change occurs, or the illusion of chronology—characters trying to place events into a logical sequence that is forever illusory, and ultimately, as implied by the questions at the end of the definition, not all that useful. The sequence of the vignettes provides no consolation, either. Tokarczuk will begin a narrative, stop it partway for a seemingly unrelated and potentially banal discussion of everyday phenomena, and then switch back to a different narrative. The idea of telling one story start to finish gives way to an ever-fragmentary recollection, a history penetrated by glimpses of the present.


The continued discussion of kairos (which, incidentally, takes place forty pages later), notes that Kairos “always operates at the intersection of linear, human time and divine time—circular time. And at the intersection between place and time, at that moment that opens up for just a little while, to situate that single, right unrepeatable possibility. The point where the straight line that runs from nowhere to nowhere makes—for one moment—contact with the circle” (387). Tokarczuk creates a new geometry, or more appropriately a new map, of time. The particularity of the moment is described as an “unrepeatable possibility,” fleeting and “open[ed] up for just a little while.” It’s those precise moments of meaning that Tokarczuk seems to strive for.


And yet, amid all this discussion of fixity and permanence, there is the counter-current, that none of these moments really exist. In her deconstruction of time, Tokarczuk notes, “if the future and the past are infinite, then in reality there can be no ‘once upon,’ no ‘back when.’ Different moments in time hang in space like sheets, like screens lit up by one moment; the world is made up of these frozen moments, great meta-images, and we just hop from one to the next” (385). I love the way Tokarczuk addresses paradox through metaphor. The idea of these moments hanging in space like sheets is such a cosmic vision of the world with “great meta-images” where “we just hop from one to the next.” The notion of transitions, that non-time between moments, is addressed beautifully here, offering commentary on her fragmentary vignette style. It is a book of meta-images, rather than a cohesive story, because, in the philosophy of the book, it is impossible to tell stories when their very foundation (the concept of time) has eroded away from us.


It’s hard to grapple with time and its implications. I’m striving to find some optimism in Tokarczuk’s method for examining time. She presents linear time as a problem to be solved earlier in the text: “That time is linear time, more practical because it was able to measure progress toward a goal or destination, rises in percentages. Every moment is unique; no moment can ever be repeated. This idea favors risk-taking, living life to the fullest, seizing the day. And yet the innovation is a profoundly bitter one: when change over time is irreversible, loss and mourning become daily things. This is why you’ll never hear them utter words like ‘futile’ or ‘empty’” (53). It’s a pretty dark idea, but maybe there’s an optimism underneath: if time is linear and that inscribes every moment with loss and mourning, if we reconsider time into a less linear geometry, that would perhaps open our minds to a more rich and rounded discussion of human experience. Linear time is quantifiable; circular time could never be.


  At this point, you’re probably getting the impression that Flights is an intellectually rigorous book, and it is. That said, it isn’t without a heart. There are some powerful moments relayed through the vignettes, inspiring sympathy and joy. Early on, Tokarczuk’s narrator, precariously situated in relation to the author herself, comments on being a writer. There’s a mournful quality, if a little ironic from a Nobel Prize winner, in the statement: “But I never became a real writer. Life always eluded me” (13). Her description of where she finds meaning then follows: “I’d only ever find its tracks, the skin it sloughed off. By the time I had determined its location, it had already gone somewhere else. And all I’d find were signs that it had been there, like those scrawlings on the trunks of trees in parks that merely mark a person’s passing presence” (13). This notion of her writing being the discarded, the wound that remains behind in a tree or “the skin it sloughed off” feels like loss for sure. Instead of a novel being written after life, her life takes on the shape of this novel: “life would turn into incomplete stories, dreamlike tales, would show up from afar in odd dislocated panoramas, or in cross sections—and so it would be almost impossible to reach any conclusions as a whole” (13). Though presented in a mournful tone, a purposelessness that casts her adrift, there is a kind of freedom in the incomplete and dreamlike: a sense of possibility continues on. 


Of course, the non-linearity of the novel is the perfect accompaniment, thematically, to the notions of time. Tokarczuk writes that “Anyone who has ever tried to write a novel knows what an arduous task it is, undoubtedly one of the worst ways of occupying oneself” (13). It’s a bitterly amusing and relatable statement, but she extends the conversation once more to the notion of stasis: “You have to remain within yourself all the time, in solitary confinement. It’s a controlled psychosis, an obsessive paranoia manacled to work, completely lacking in the feather pens and bustles and Venetian masks we would ordinarily associate with it, clothed instead in a butcher’s apron and rubber boots, eviscerating knife in hand” (13). See what I mean about the language? Tokarczuk’s style is extraordinary. From there, she echoes the motif of feet and faces: 


you can only barely see from that writerly cellar the feet of passerby, hear the rapping of their heels. Every so often someone stops and bends down and glances in through the window, and then you get a glimpse of a human face, maybe even exchange a few words. But ultimately the mind is so occupied with its own act, a play staged by the self for the self in a hasty, makeshift cabinet of curiosities peopled by author and character, narrator and reader, the person describing and the person being described, that feet, shoes, heels, and faces become, sooner or later, mere components of that act. (13)


I find the passage compelling for a number of reasons, not least of all because of its internal coherence with the rest of the novel. The idea of seeing a fragment of a human body passing by is an effective echo, but also this link of feet and faces and hardly seeing faces comes back; there’s a circularity to the text that comes across effectively. The interplay of the singular and the multiple also returns; the author is simultaneously one and many, characters popping up all over the place, but then also the multiplicity of faces is amalgamated into the singular experience of writing a novel. It’s a cerebral experience that all comes together beautifully.


But I’ve drifted away once more from the ‘heart’ of the book to focus instead on its brain. There’s a relatability to the characters in the text, who all feel they have lost something. There are some deeply human stories, like the one of a woman and child who disappear while on vacation and her husband desperately trying to find her. In another series of vignettes, Tokarczuk offers an epistolary story in which a man tries to reclaim his father’s corpse from the king who he had served and for whom he is now on public display. There’s also a love-esque story between a corpse-preserving scientist researching methods with the widow of a renowned colleague.


When the man is looking for his lost wife, the despair in his search is quite wrenching. There is a “sound [...] long, mournful, like the voice of an animal. Then it stops, shattered into cicadas’ small echoes. They move through the olive brush. Bellowing out from time to time” (30). The search continues across the vineyard and “they scour rows half in shadowing, calling out for the missing woman: ‘Jagoda, Jagoda!’” (30). Every private sorrow takes on a deeper significance, another resonance: “It occurs to Kunicki that his wife’s name means ‘berry’ in their native Polish. It is such a common name that he had forgotten about that until now. Suddenly it seems to him that he is taking part in some sort of ancient ritual, blurry, grotesque. From the bushes there hang grapes in swollen, deep violet bunches, perverse, multiplied nipples, and he wanders the leafy labyrinths, shouting, ‘Jagoda! Jagoda!’ Who is he saying that to? Who is he looking for? (30). Several layers emerge at once: there’s the linguistic angle, seen elsewhere in the discussion of the word ‘Kairos’, there’s the historic layer in which he feels like he’s part of some ancient ritual, a sexual layer in the “perverse, multiplied nipples” of the berries, and there’s the dissociative quality of the experience: it is no longer clear who the woman they’re actually looking for is. The recipient of the message is a ghost.


In one of the most moving vignettes, the narrator of the book reconnects with an old flame over Facebook. She had not seen him for years, but he is now dying. His sister cares for him day-to-day and the narrator goes to see him. When she arrives, he reveals to her that he wants to die, but cannot ask his sister to do it for him. The implication is that the narrator needs to take his life for him. After visiting several times—all of this unbeknownst to her husband—she fulfils his request in a haunting and bittersweet scene:


She removes the drip from the IV and slowly injects all the droplets of the liquid she has brought. Nothing happens aside from the fact that his breathing stops, suddenly, naturally, as though the movement of his rib cage from before had been an odd anomaly. She runs her hand over his face, reinserts the drip into his IV, and smooths out the place on the sheets where she’d been sitting. Then she leaves. (305)


The scene itself is pretty powerful but Tokarczuk twists the knife in the final interaction between the narrator and her friend’s sister. The sister is on the porch smoking and offers the narrator a cigarette: “This time she says no” (305). The sister then asks, “Do you think you’ll be able to visit him again? [...] It’s been so important to him that you come.” The narrator responds, “‘I’m leaving today’ [...] as she goes down the stairs, she adds ‘Yout ake care of yourself’” (305). It’s such a cold moment, a depressing goodbye. We are left to imagine what happens when the sister discovers her brother has passed, and it produces such a chilling effect where the narrator’s emotional response is muted, despite the weight of her act.


There’s a morose thoughtfulness that lingers over the novel in a number of passages and scenes. The first pages of the book should serve as an indication of that, when the narrator gives an account of her childhood:


I’m a few years old. I’m sitting on the windowsill, surrounded by strewn toys and toppled-over block towers and dolls with bulging eyes. It’s dark in the house, and the air in the rooms slowly cools, dims. There’s no one else here; they’ve left, they’re gone, though you can still hear their voices dying down, that shuffling, the echoes of their footsteps, some distant laughter. Out the window the courtyard is empty. Darkness spreads softly from the sky, settling one everything like black dew.
        The worst part is the stillness, visible, dense---a chilly dusk and the sodium-vapor lamps’ frail light already mired in darkness just a few feet from its source. (1)


First of all, the imagery here is highly evocative. Everything points towards darkness: “strewn toys” and “toppled-over block towers,” no longer standing as they once were. The dolls have “bulging eyes,” like bugs or dead things. The rest of the house is “dark”, “cool”, and “dim.” There’s an emptiness to the scene and the solitude of the scene is given a tragic air. The scene continues on to discuss the “darkness” and the “black dew,” tainting even the gentle greeting of morning. It’s interesting that there’s a kind of jealousy towards movement; the narrator notes that “the worst part is the stillness,” being static while “the echoes of their footsteps, some distant laughter” happen right outside. 


Meanwhile, inside, “Nothing happens” (1). Although, darkness is in motion: “the march of darkness halts at the door to the house, and all the clamor of fading falls silent, makes a thick skin like on hot milk cooling” (1). There’s a play of size and intensity here, too, as “The contours of the buildings against the backdrop of the sky stretch out into infinity, slowly lose their sharp angles, corners, edges” (1). The immensity of the world outside takes shape in the narrator’s mind from her early years, but it provides the effect of the world escaping her: “the dimming light takes the air with it — there’s nothing left to breathe” (1). The existential and metaphysical horror rounds out the scene: “Now the dark soaks into my skin. Sounds have curled up inside themselves, withdrawn their snail’s eyes; the orchestra of the world has departed, vanishing into the park” (1). There’s a kind of horror in the shifting world.


The fact that this is framed in the mind of a young girl is even more wild. At just a few years old, she recognizes “that evening is the limit of the world, and I’ve just happened upon it, by accident, while playing, not in search of anything” (2). She continues, “I’ve discovered it because I was left unsupervised for a bit. I realize I’ve fallen into a trap here now, realize I’m stuck. I’m a few years old, I’m sitting on the windowsill, and I’m looking out onto the chilled courtyard” (2). You’ll notice a repetition here. From there, she discusses the how “lights in the school’s kitchen are extinguished; everyone has left. All the doors are closed, the hatches down, shades lowered” (2). The sense of confinement is palpable and she notes, “I’d like to leave, but there’s nowhere to go. My own presence is the only thing with a distinct outline now, an outline that quivers and undulates, and in so doing, hurts. All of a sudden I know: there’s nothing for it now, here I am” (2). The moment is presented almost as a reverse-birth. It’s a return to the darkness and confinement. What’s interesting is how the moment contrasts with the later sections of the book: it is in the stillness that she finds herself conscious of herself, although it is given that touch of irony: “there’s nothing for it now” (2), as if finding herself is something she wanted to avoid all along—again, that fear of stasis in one’s identity.


Elsewhere, Tokarczuk’s narrator draws a clear parallel between her identity and the nature of the project upon which she has embarked: “My set of symptoms revolves around being drawn to all things spoiled, flawed, defective, broken” (17). These adjectives could easily be applied to the narrator or the novel project underway: the vignettes are never quite cohesive enough for a full story. She continues: “I’m interested in whatever shape this may take, mistakes in the making of the thing, dead ends. What was supposed to develop but for some reason didn’t; or vice versa, what outstretched the design. Anything that deviates from the norm, that is too small or too big, overgrown or incomplete, monstrous and disgusting” (17). Again, there’s an expansiveness of space and a sense of confinement that is resisted. She continues in the description of these ‘monstrous’ tales, commenting on “shapes that don’t heed, that grow exponentially, brim over, bud, or on the contrary, that scale back to the single unit” (17). It’s perhaps in this passage that the critique of discrete mathematics becomes most obvious. All those systems which rigidify are no longer acceptable: “I’m not interested in the patterns so scrutinized by statistics that everyone celebrates with a familiar, satisfied smile on their faces” (17). She explains, “My weakness is for teratology and for freaks. I believe, unswervingly, agonizingly, that it is in freaks that Being breaks through to the surface and reveals its true nature. A sudden fluke disclosure. An embarrassing oops, the seam of one’s underwear from beneath a perfectly pleated skirt. The hideous metal skeleton that suddenly pops out from the velvet upholstery; the eruption of a spring from within a cushioned armchair that shamelessly debunks any illusion of softness” (17). For what it’s worth, I find this passage extraordinarily resonant. It’s a beautiful passage that turns an eye to the unusual and unfamiliar, to those tiny sites of story that are so rarely elevated to an almost divine status.


To that end, I’d refer readers to the vignette titled “Sanitary Pads.” She comments on the wrappers for sanitary pads, which are provided with “entertaining little facts” (102). Among those facts are the following:


    The word ‘lethologica’ describes the state of unable to recall the word you’re looking for.

    Ropography is a painting term for the attention the artist pays to trifles and details.

    Rhyparography is the painting of decaying and disgusting things.

    Scissors were invented by Leonardo da Vinci. (102)


I, too, find these facts instructive and interesting. Particularly from a linguistic stand-point, I really appreciate the way that we have invented words for such particular experiences and sensations. This fine attention to sanitary pads continues in the paragraph which follows:


In the bathroom, where I unwrapped the entire box of these pads with their curious teachings, it hit me like a revelation that this way yet another part of the project of the great encyclopedia now coming into being, the encyclopedia that would encompass all things. So I went back to the pharmacy and scoured the shelves in search of the name of this strange company that had determined to unite necessity with usefulness. For what sense could it ever possibly make to wrap pads in paper that had flowers and strawberries on it? Paper was created to be the bearer of ideas. Paper packaging is wasteful and should be banned. But if you really do have to package something, then you ought to be able to do it only in novels and poems, and always in such a way that what is contained and what contains it have some connection. (102)


Tokarczuk’s narrator focuses on the things that are not meant to be noticed. But look at the reverence which she imbues to sanitary pads. It becomes a sort of quest to find the company that unites necessity and usefulness. I can’t help but think about how New Critics see form and content as inseparable, the heresy implied by paraphrase, and so on. Form and function are here united and treated with a kind of philosophical weight evocative of Roland Barthes’ Mythologies. The suggestion that all packaging has to be in novels and poems is a delightful turn that feels irreverent in its own way.


The passage continues with some additional facts, which I include here for your own interest and because you can read it essentially like a found list poem:


    Starting at the age of thirty, humans begin to slowly shrink.

    Each year more people are killed by kicks from donkeys than from plane crashes.

    If you wind up at the bottom of a well, you’ll be able to see the stars even during the day.

    Did you know that your birthday is shared by nine million people around the world?

    The shortest war in history was waged between Zanzibar and England in 1896, lasting thirty-eight minutes.

    If the earth’s axis were titled just one degree more, the planet would be uninhabitable, because the regions around the equator would be too hot and the poles too cold.

    Due to the earth’s rotation, throwing something westward will send it flying farther than if it’s going east.

    The average human body contains enough sulfur to kill a dog.

    A rachibutyrophobia is the fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the palate.


        But the one I was most struck by was this:

        The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue.

        (102-103)


This love of the bizarre, miniscule factoid is consistent with Tokarczuk’s flights to more strange territories. The whole scene has an almost Walter Benjaminian flare to it; his Arcades Project similarly gathering ephemera and immortalizing them in text form. Tokarczuk goes one further, allowing the sanitary pads section to permeate into other vignettes, receiving reference elsewhere with small echoes. It is its own reversal that the sanitary pads bleed into the other chapters.


It becomes, at least to some extent, an obsession of the narrator’s. In her own words, though: “Obsession is, in any case, the premonition of the existence of an individual language, an irreproducible language through the attentive use of which we will be able to uncover the truth. We must follow this premonition into regions that to others might seem absurd and mad” (207). There is a touch of madness throughout Flights: an associational form of writing that brings us to new areas as we chase an echo. Yet, as previously mentioned, these echoes are unending. There’s never a final point where we can say that we chased an echo enough to reach its origin. 


Perhaps a more apt metaphor is Tokarczuk’s own. While on a flight, a man opens the window looking for some sense of place, contrasting with the animation on the screen:


From time to time he raised the shade to see if somewhere on the horizon in the distance a white glow wasn’t visible by now, glimmer of a new day, new possibilities. But there was nothing. The screens were off, the film had ended. Every so often they would show a map, and on it the small shape of the plane as it traversed at a turtle’s pace a distance not indicated on the map. And it even seemed that the map had been designed by Zeno the Cartographer---every distance is infinite in itself, each point launching a new space that cannot be surmounted, and of course, any movement an illusion, all of us traveling in place. (130)


The allusion to Zeno is a reference to the philosophical idea of an arrow being fired. It travels distance by half, then by half, then by half, and can be subdivided to the extent that it never actually reaches its target. It’s an apt allusion, specifically because we never reach the target of our travels, so as we follow our obsessions we never quite ‘hit’ where we can rest. Perpetual motion. Elsewhere, Tokarczuk references pilgrimages as a “striving toward—and reaching—a holy place [that] would bestow holiness upon us, cleans us of our sins” (173). She wonders whether this is true of unholy, sinful, sad, vacant, joyful, and fruitful places too. Can we always be in a state of travelling toward? Essentially, the answer appears to be yes—we can never not be.


This is one of the lengthiest reviews I’ve written in quite a while because Tokarczuk offers us a set of such rich insight and contemplation that it demands response. I think it’s pretty clear why she would warrant the Nobel Prize. I’ll briefly address two remaining passages from my notes. In one, she describes people “glid[ing] towards their spots as though on tethers, heading somewhere in the suburbs, to a tenth floor, where they can pull the covers over their heads and fall into a sleep made up of scraps of day and night. And in reality in the morning that sleep does not dissolve—those scraps form collages, splotches; some configurations are clever, you could almost say premeditated” (236). It poses an interesting contrast to that sense of stasis the narrator experiences in the first few pages of the book, where the world closes in. Here, the world is absorbed at night. The “scraps of day and night” are put to a higher purpose, an artistic “collage,” as if our very consciousness were a canvas for reality. And I think Tokarczuk captures that sensation beautifully throughout Flights.

Now, finally, after much time spent reading, not reading, contemplating, reading, writing this review, not writing this review, and writing this review anew, we come to the conclusion. One of the characters in the book is described as hating traveling alone: “His gripe was: When he sees something out of the ordinary, something new and beautiful, he so wants to share it with someone that he becomes deeply unhappy if there’s no one around”  (165). Tokarczuk then has an offset line in a new paragraph: “I doubt he would make a good pilgrim” (165). As for me, I’m not sure whether or not I would make a good pilgrim. I do sometimes love traveling alone and finding that solitary reverence in beautiful things. Yet, I think that sharing something deeply beautiful can transcend that experience of reverence, and even elevate it. I suppose that’s why I’ve written such a lengthy review of Flights: it is something beautiful, something thoughtful, and something well worth exploring. So here I am, sharing it with all of you.


Happy reading! Hope that this book, or whatever you’re reading, takes you to new places—and I hope you never actually “get there”.