100 Simple Secret of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It by David Niven

        In this relationship self-help book, David Niven offers a hundred simple secrets, which, when we really get into it, feels like an overpromise. Each of the chapters spans two pages (or three at most) and they all follow the same formula: a short paragraph to explain the ‘secret,’ an anecdote or case study of people demonstrating that secret in their relationships, and then a related factoid to close. The formula gives 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships an accessible, if repetitive, quality.

Ultimately, it feels like Niven’s work skirts along the surface and could easily be cut in half. A number of the chapters offer mirror images to each other. For instance, “No One Wins the Comparison Game” and “Beware Second Opinions” could just be one chapter that addresses both comparing your relationship to others’ and receiving their input. While some of the advice is good advice, it’s nothing revolutionary. Moreover, some of the advice offers principles but not really step-by-step instruction. For instance, the chapter “Be Willing to Evolve” essentially says that relationships are better if people are less rigid in their thinking. Well, yeah. Of course. But Niven doesn’t offer a practical strategy for becoming more willing to evolve.

Scaling back on the quantity of ‘secrets’ would give Niven the space to elaborate in more meaningful ways on ‘quality’ secrets. The anecdotes sometimes appear disconnected from the opening paragraph from each of the chapters or insufficiently exploratory. What I really wanted more of was analysis of the factoids at the end of each chapter. I wanted more information on the methodology for the studies or further elaboration on the factors and variables. I guess I was hoping for a more scientific approach than an anecdotal one. At the same time, the book felt weirdly dated. It was talking about gender stereotypes on television that seem long past prevalent and the fact that there was any controversy over men doing housework seems laughable. A lot can change in 20 years, I suppose.

In the end, the book just felt like it was doing too much and not enough simultaneously. It’s probably not going to hurt, but I don’t see this being any more valuable than other resources out on the market for people looking to deepen their relationships.

Happy reading!